Today is Guru Purnima and my town Tiruvannamalai will go bonkers.
Every full moon thousands and even lakhs of devotees come to the fire capital of India. It is also known as the spiritual town. The crowd starts to come from a day earlier. They usually come with their entire families. People who have luxury book minibuses or drive down with their vehicles and stay in hotels.
People who can’t afford it will get down at bus and railway stands and start walking with their bags and kids.
Hats off to women who are dressed up doing the GiriValam while holding their kids and bags. At times they will take a halt at Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi’s Ashram or other Ashrams on the way which remain open during a full moon.
What delights me is the faith and love of people across societies. For them, while it is doing the spiritual walk it is also about doing things together as a family. And when I am saying family on average the count is 10. It includes uncles, aunts, grandparents, kids, and everyone.
Obviously, I have seen fights and arguments happening but that happens in every family. However, be it rich or poor one thing stays strong which is LOVE. Love for their deity or faith. And love has no logic so you can see the love err madness on full moon days in my town.
This madness multiplies on special full moon days such as the Guru Purnima. As the name suggests the festival is observed to honour one's chosen spiritual teachers or gurus or leaders.
Generally, as a person, I only wish to people or celebrate days when I can connect with that thing. Today I found a strange connection with the day. And I have no role to play as the heart had already decided. You have no control over emotions and that’s why they say love has no logic.
Finding the guru
When I was growing up I looked for a guru in a teacher. I could see how teachers were friendly with top-ranking students. But the look they give to the backbenchers like me killed my quest. I won’t blame them because I was okay being the average student who would either be out of the class or trying to live like others.
Quite late in my life, I started asking - who am I really? When people close to me started saying that I get influenced by people easily and I just follow others. Who was the real Prasant Naidu?
Anyways in the madness to find acceptance in all streams of life the question never came again.
Then life just happened like following a bandwagon rather than taking a pause and asking the question WHY. Maybe there was no one to guide or maybe the time had not come.
After that startup happened, marriage happened and I was still wanting things that were not in my life. I was somehow not happy.
Looking back now I can see my younger self was looking for happiness in everything other than SELF.
Anyways while running the startup I really looked hard for a mentor or guru. I did find some only to be cheated and backstabbed. I learned a lesson that in my life I will have to learn from my own mistakes.
During this time the question - Who Am I came back but the form was different - What value is my startup creating? What a shame that I never asked what value am I creating? Anyways the question will come back again.
Then came the darkest phase in my life where I would ask myself why am I alive and turned towards drinking, smoking and all things that raised my anxiety.
Finding Nana
However, in 2019 I decided to give life a chance and fight back. During this phase, one person stood behind me like a rock. None other than Nilkanta Naidu - my father, my nana. The person who stood behind me during my dark phase, would always check if I had everything, suggest new shows so that we can sit and watch together, and would spend evenings having a drink and sharing timeless wisdom.
He was always there as a guru. I never saw him.
Finally, when he saw I was disciplined enough in my life he decided to leave his body. Today he lives in my heart and he happens to be my first guru who brought me into this world along with my mother. He taught me enough lessons during the course of my life and one that stays with me is the one that he shared when he retired from Indian Railways:
In my 40 years of career with Railways, I have worked without thinking about results. I worked wherever I was posted sometimes in a junior role and sometimes in a senior role but I worked.
And I never thought about results as “HE is there to reward your good work.”
Finding Bhagavan
Earlier this year I was sitting with my diary trying to write down things I need to work on in my professional and personal life. I had clarity about what I was doing at work and how I could make things better.
But the personal section was empty for days even though I was dating someone. I thought it was love then why was I not able to write that I will work hard to make the relationship a beautiful one. Unfortunately, I couldn’t and decided to end it since it was not what I was looking for.
Remember the question - Who Am I? It came back again and what I am trying to find in my personal life?
And later in Feb, I landed in Tiruvannamalai for the first time after Jubin invited me to the beautiful town. In our initial conversation and in his blog post he talks about the technique of self-inquiry.
The ultimate path is shared by none other than Bhagavan.
I had never heard of Bhagavan and his teachings. Arunachala was in my mind since it has a cool Vipassana centre.
Additionally, I kept a distance from all babas and gurus. Since I felt that most of them are just fooling people and making money out of the fear that we have named god. Also, I have never been an idol worshiper since I believed in helping people.
Anyways I came down to meet Jubin and somehow I was eager to go to the Ashram from the moment I was in the town. The next day I remember that I went to the Ashram and it was an experience which I have shared in my earlier post:
“At the entry, you have this big picture of Ramana Maharshi and every time I see the picture I see him smiling and cheekily saying so you have finally come. I am not the only one to think like that, a few learned people think that he is present in the picture.”
Later Jubin recommended me two books:
Who Am I: A small book that discusses the teaching of self-learning in 21 questions. When I first read the book it just went above my head but now whenever I pick up the book it makes sense. However, I am still reading and learning
For Those with little dust: Written by Arthur Osborne, a gem of a writer and a devotee of Bhagavan does a brilliant job for a newbie like me.
Who Am I?
Well, not yet how can it be so easy. First I have to remove the ego that has glued my true self. I have found a path that I was looking for and now I have to walk on it. I am no longer concerned about whether it happens or not.
In fact, I don’t understand what is a big fuss about finding one’s true self. Think over it we are finding our own self that is right there and we are showing off as such a big achievement. Ideally, I am ashamed that at this mid-age I am starting my journey to find my true self.
This journey has also made me realise that true happiness is in finding the self. This is in reality, true self-love. Not by buying expensive gadgets, clothes or any other external thing. It is being in complete comfort and at peace with your own self even when there is no one in your life or surrounded by people.
My biggest learning - if I can’t be at peace with myself no one else can make it happen.
And that’s why I thank Bhagavan with immense love and respect. While he showed me the path to my lifelong quest he also shared his thoughts about Guru in the book - The Teachings of Ramana Maharshi In His Own Words written by Arthur Osborne.
The Guru is the Self.
The Guru is both outer and inner. From the outside, he gives a push to the mind to turn inward while from the inside he pulls the mind towards the Self and helps in quieting it. That is the Grace of the Guru. There is no difference between God, Guru and Self.
In this process of finding self and knowing my path. I have also known one more truth - LOVE is everything.
And I am bestowed by the abundance of love from Jubin and Saras Ji. Thank You :)
So with immense love and only love, I wish everyone a Happy Guru Purnima :)
By the way, I no more ask - Who Am I?
Pranaam.