“Who Am I?”

The quest leads me to Arunachala, Tiruvannamalai

The jholla or bag was gifted by my friend Jubin. The thought fascinated me so was itching to buy it. You can buy the bag from the store inside the Ramana Maharshi Ashram, Tiruvanamalai, Tamil Nadu.

“I don’t know if I will find the answer to the question but at least I can be in the get-up,” I said to my friend while accepting the gift.

Ramana Maharshi Ashram was the point where my friend asked me to get down. The main bus stand is a kilometre and a half from the ashram. 

A few years ago when I was looking for a nearby Vipassana Center - I had discovered the Vipassana Centre in Tiruvannamalai. My visit to the centre has been pending but the place started attracting me. Like everything has a right time in our life so I had to wait to come and meet Arunachala.

Last Christmas my mother visited the place and thanks every time saying I showed her jannat in this lifetime.

Earlier this week I finally decided to push myself out of my comfort zone and shared with my friend Jubin that I wish to come to Tiru, observe Arunachala and maybe also find my answer to “Who Am I.”

I have known Jubin from his Yourstory days, he was the first guy to cover my startup. His journey from a renowned tech journalist to moving to the mountains to finally set up base in Thiruvannamalai has fascinated me. So I have been meaning to meet him but somehow we were connected via emails, Twitter and WhatsApp. Finally last weekend I got a chance to meet him right in front of the ashram. 

When I saw him while sipping coffee, I knew it had to be him. After the quick greetings, he took me to his place which is 2 km away from the ashram. He has been visiting Tiru since 2015 and finally last year he decided to make his home with his wife. Both welcomed me with open arms and for the first night, I was with them.

After a quick freshen up, he took me around showing me the quiet place. Occasionally we passed some saints and Jubin would be quick to greet them with folded hands. While passing by the lake Samudiram Eri I started my barrage of questions one after the other and it also gave me a chance to listen to him. 

We ended with the larger discussion around the journey “Who Am I” and how dissolving the I or ego leads you to the answer.

Meanwhile taking a break we decided to sit beside Samudiram Eri. From the lake, you can see the full panoramic view of Arunachala. We sat there for a while, closed our eyes and immersed in the sound of the water.

By the time we came back, we decided to have Pizzas for dinner. Sathya’s Cafe is known in the town for freshly homemade vegetarian wood fire pizza(Wednesday and Saturday). These pizzas are not only delicious but have unique names such as we ordered Arunachalam and Brahma with extra olive pizza.

Sorry no photos of the pizzas, as we three were impatiently waiting for our slices. Being a Saturday it was a peak time in the evening and the wait was more than 30 minutes. To silence our hunger for a while we ordered a fresh lime soda but it did nothing.

Finally, the pizza came and it was worth the wait. After finishing two pizzas and lime juice we decided to walk down to the residence.

I went to bed after an intense chat with Saraswati - Jubin’s wife on life, how it is important to understand and appreciate similar life journeys and the breakfast menu.

Their home is an ashram and all you find is love, beautiful aroma and peace. I had a good sleep and early in the morning, I decided to go for a walk. I normally love to know a city by running but this time I wanted to walk and not be in a hurry.

After having a fresh plate of idlis and coffee I decided to enter the Ramana Maharishi Ashram. From the time my father passed, I stopped visiting temples and I don’t know what attracted me to the ashram. 

At the entry, you have this big picture of Ramana Maharishi and every time I see the picture I see him smiling and cheekily saying so you have finally come. I am not the only one to think like that, a few learned people think that he is present in the picture.

Inside you have a temple which is of his mother and the adjacent big hall you have his samadhi which also is a big meditation hall. Right next to it there is a small meditation hall and I had goosebumps when Jubin took me to the place for the first time. Maybe that is the power and vibe of meditation.

In the afternoon I decided to have a simple lunch but ended up coming to The Dreaming Tree - a beautiful healthy restaurant that attracts foreigners for healthy and vegan food. You can come here sit for hours and work in silence.

Especially in the afternoon time, it is quiet but as the sun sets the place starts playing peppy music to suit the evening. I ended up ordering a good deal of food and Americano. The coffee was amazing however the pizza is better in Sathya’s. Nonetheless, this is a place to sit in comfort, have your food and be lost in yourself.

Later on, Jubin and Saraswati joined me at the restaurant. We ordered some more food and talked about my Vipassana journey and why having a like-minded partner is so important to live a peaceful life. They also enquired if I have thought of having a meaningful relationship. I smiled and remarked I have left it on fate.

We ended our lunch by 3 PM and decided to walk down to the ashram. Jubin gave me a quick tour, recommended two books and gifted me the jhola. I will write about the books once I have understood them. “Who Am I? The teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi is the one I am reading now. Here is the free pdf version, the print version is for INR10.

By now it was 4 PM and after a quick round of discussion, we all decided to start our Girivalam Parikrama. Keeping our sleepers in Jubin’s rented Activa, taking the blessings of Maharshi we started our barefoot 14KM walk. As you keep walking you have a friend with you to support - Arunachala.

Initially, I was walking as if I was completing some walking workout but it is a walk to be present and witness everything that comes in the journey.

From the 3rd KM onwards you will find a long stretch of road full of sadhus. Jubin has nicknamed the lane “Sadhu Lane”. We visited Mouni Baba who meditates all day facing the wall. Twice a day he shows his face. We sat in front of him for 5 minutes. It was an unreal moment for me since I had heard stories of such sadhus. 

Then there came a stretch where the pavements were filled with monkeys. Devotees were feeding them as a part of a ritual.

At one point I saw a group of people doing “Ana Danam”. I pushed myself and stood in one corner. Asking food made me feel like a beggar but then this is how you dissolve the ‘I’. A lady saw me and asked me to grab a plate. I only took rice and sambar. I sat on the floor and cleaned it. 

When you do Vipassana for 10 days you apparently live like a monk where everything is donated. It is said that it is the simplest way to kill your ‘aham’ or ego. Standing there waiting for food, sitting on the roadside, eating and eventually washing the plate really killed a piece of my ego. It was an experience to be remembered.

It is said that no one goes to bed hungry in Tiru, you have such kind of Ana Danam going throughout the day, everywhere in Tiruvannamalai. After finishing 8KMs we took another break for a cup of filter coffee. Bit disappointing, Bangalore serves better coffee. 

By now the parikrama was really testing me. The parikrama became a solo walk since I was lost in my thoughts. Finally, in the remaining last stretch, the parikrama showed me that the barefoot walk isn’t a joy ride. Three days later the blisters are still hurting my walking process. 

We all completed the walk but the award for the best finisher should go to Saraswati since she was flying.

After finishing our parikrama we decided to visit Hotel Ananda Ramana - a comfortable place to have South Indian cuisine. We all ended up having dosas and fresh lime soda. 

After the dinner, I literally dragged myself to the Activa. Jubin drove us back to our residence. Thanks to him I have found a 2BHK semi furnished flat for a week. Both of them have set me up for a comfortable stay in Thiru. From where I work, visit the ashram and try to find the answer “Who Am I” or let's just say living a less anxious life.

When I went to bed it felt like the longest day of my life. I did so many things in a day and each of them felt like a lifetime. However the next day it felt like I have done all this in another lifetime and I have known this place for a while now.

A week before I was thinking about how should I plan the rest of my life. I am 43 and I might live another 20-25 years. So what is the kind of lifestyle I want to have, what kind of people should I have in my life, what kind of a relationship should I seek and what kind of work should I do. I have never thought like this and it is refreshing.

Sitting here in Tiru, watching Arunachala from my window I know why I was thinking like that. This is a lifestyle that gives me peace and I seek this. There are other elements but ultimately I want to make the choices that I understand now will give me value. There is more work to be done hence the inward journey is a continuous work in progress. 

Obviously, life will throw surprises but hopefully, I control my emotions with a little less ego.